Getting To The Observer You Are

April 8, 2015

The observer that we are takes actions based on an underlying framework of belief. This framework creates and allows the possibilities for actions that we can take.

By learning about the speech acts and how the body, emotions and language come into play, we can approach the observer we are and consciously choose to change in order to create congruency.

These concepts are taught more in depth in my e courses: 3 Steps To Improve Your Communication Skills.

Hi and welcome to this video. In this video I want to talk about a couple of models that is used in ontological coaching and that I use with my clients. The first model is the OAR model and that’s what I’ll spend my time talking about in this video. But the second model is the BEL model. The BEL model stands for: body, emotions and language. And if you’ve taken the course you will understand how each of the three of this triplicity affect one another. Language is really the medium that is used to describe the body and the emotions and other sorts of conversations that we have with other human beings. Now going back to the OAR model: the O stands for “observer” the A stands for “actions” and the R stands for “results.”

Now why it is important? Well all through life, you and I, we take actions. We take actions based on what we know based on what we’ve learned and based on what we want to achieve. The results of our lives is exactly what we are living. So I want to say that you and I are in the position we are in right now because of all the actions that we’ve taken. Not only that, you and I are also in this position because of all the other actions we haven’t taken. And this is tremendously important because certain actions lead to certain possibilities. And those possibilities are the results. But other actions lead to different possibilities. Ensuring which actions you choose is important to know based on the kind of results you want to get and based on the belief structure you have in your head.

So a lot of us if we don’t like where we are at; for example you know we don’t like how much we weigh for example or how much money we make. Or you know the kind of relationship that we’re in or the kind of relationship we have with our family or with our friends or our community or even at work. Now if we don’t like those results would we do? Well we go back and change actions. For example you might want to try new activities with your friends or you might want to do that presentation in a different way at work or you might want to talk to your wife and your spouse and your family in a different way.

But we’re just changing the actions. Within the ontological coaching process and within the material you’ve learned in this course-especially about the structures and foundations for that linguistic component-we can go back one level deeper.

So the observer that we are-and this is personally my own assessment-is that there is a being that looks out from within our eyes. That looks out and interprets things. That has a filter that serves to interpret the world around the observer. Now this filter, this interpretive system that has come in place, is based on a lot of feedback that we’ve gotten consciously or unconsciously from our family, from our loved ones, from our peers, from our teachers; you know, from a variety of sources.

Now the key is to go back and consciously understand who this observer is, how that observer actually sees the world and whether or not how they see the world is actually serving them. So let’s go back to that place of perhaps “you’re not making enough money” or rather this is not the kind of money you want to make. You know, so first of all I’d like to ask you: “what is your assessment about wealth?”

“What assessments do you have about worth and dignity?” Because they inform the kind of observer you are. Essentially the observer has a framework of beliefs. That framework of beliefs lends itself to the actions that the observer is going to undertake. Those actions produce results. If those results are not congruent with the framework of belief then there’s a disconnect. It’s not going to be satisfactory. The invitation with this course is to create that congruency by learning about the observer that you are. And by going deeper and making that conscious decision to open new possibilities to serve yourself even more. How does that sound to you?

How do you think that will enable you to transform your life? How do you think that will enable you to change the aspects of your life that you want to be more congruent with the human being that you are? So what I do as an ontological coach is I connect you with your purpose. And this is what the purpose is: it’s really deep internal values, deep internal assessments, deep internal qualities and framework of belief and structure.

Let’s face it: we have to deal with other human beings on an everyday basis! We cannot not interact with human beings. So the only tool that we have available to us our conversations. Whether it’s written, whether it’s a verbal, whether it’s emotional, whether it’s somatic and physical we converse with other human beings. Knowing exactly what kind of conversation you’re in will allow you to take charge of those conversations to produce results that are meaningful to you. I hope that has been helpful and I look forward to connecting with you.

If you have any questions or any comments please do post them in the Udemy discussion forum. I’ll get to them as soon as I can with as much clarity as I can provide. That’s a promise I make to you.

The other thing is you’re welcome to use the system’s messaging system to connect with me. Take care and I’ll see you in the next video. Bye-bye for now!